nd_mom: (Default)
[personal profile] nd_mom
I have not been feeling that great lately, ever since that dreaded sunday I have not been able to shake the feeling that "I don't want to do this anymore". I really deep down inside don't want to be a nurse anymore. I hate this feeling! Why am I feeling this way? I want it to go away, I want to go back to feeling the way I used too.

My husband see's me as this very strong person who can conquer anything and for the most part I am, but there is this small part of me who gets scared, who wants to run from the things that penetrate me to the core. I am not sure how to put into words, how this side of me feels at this moment.

I am going to see my doctor today to see if I can get something for anxiety. That is how much the events of that sunday have affected me. I can't seem to relax, I feel hyper vigilant all the time. When I go to work, I jump at someone saying my name. All I can imagine is someone else dying on me and me doing CPR once again. I don't think I am cut out for this type of thing.

Yes, I know that being a nurse means I will confront death at some point, but my gosh, it is devastating and gut wrenching! I just can't imagine spending the rest of my life doing this. Do I really want to have peoples lives in my hands, where every decision I make could mean life or death. I just am not sure that is what I want.

I am not saying that I am leaving nursing,but if I cant get these emotions under control, I will have no other choice. I don't want to spend the rest of my working life in a state of anxiety.

I am so disappointed in myself at this moment!

(no subject)

Date: 2009-09-25 12:39 am (UTC)
janinedog: (Default)
From: [personal profile] janinedog
Try not to be too hard on yourself. You're certainly allowed to feel the way you're feeling. When something traumatic like this happens, everyone will handle it in different ways, and feel different emotions. No one can say what the "right" way to feel is, because there is no right way.

You may also want to look into therapy of some sort (assuming your medical insurance covers it). I know lots of people who talk to therapists, and for many of them it helps a lot. Sometimes talking through emotions with someone who can talk to you without bias can help you sort through your thoughts.

I hope that you can find peace soon!

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